How Many You's are There?

Growing up a I was a ballerina.

Not just a little kid who took ballet, I was the real deal for a while there. When I was 12 I auditioned for Joffrey Ballet Summer Intensive, I had no idea what it even was, but my dear ballet teacher told me to audition and I did what she said! I was accepted to a trainee level on scholarship and I will never forget her reaction when I told her. I still had no idea what a big deal this was. This was the beginning of my ballet "me".

I worked hard for years, and for years my hard work paid off. I made many memories and friends being a dancer. I see pictures of who I once was and think "I remember that day". I remember my fears that day, or my excitement. I remember the smell of the hairspray and the sweaty ballet slippers. I remember always being a ball of nerves backstage and then the second those lights hit my face I was in another world. It was a world where I felt beautiful and passionate. I felt special.

But, there was always more to me than being a dancer.

It was my sophomore year of high school when I met David Strode. I can't even tell you how or why we became friends but we did. We bonded as friends instantly. I felt safe with him. I felt special with him. I felt I had a best friend in him that I have never found in anyone else. Fast forward four years and we were married. That was is wife/friend "me".

I love to sing. I wouldn't say I am the best singer. I can carry a tune in a bucket. I love belting out for the Lord. I love it! But I don't train for it, I don't think about the next time someone is going to ask me to sing for a wedding or a church service, but it is a love and it is a part of me. That is the singer "me"

I adore being a caregiver. To my children or my foster babies. Oh man it just makes my soul complete knowing I am caring for children, not perfectly or without fault. But I am doing the best I can on any given day. I make sacrifices for my children, I make sure I am leading by example the way I would want them to behave someday as an adult. There isn't anything I would not do for the children who live under our roof. That's the mom "me".

I love to encourage. My friends and family know this about me. If you are going through something I want to be the one to help you out of whatever hole you find yourself in. I love to fix. I love to pray. I love to talk and I love to listen. If I was rich I would encourage you with a big chunk of cash if that is what you needed. (I'm not rich so don't get any ideas.) That's the encouraging "me"

I love to analyze. Now this can drive people crazy about me! It's true. I want to fix problems right away. I want to get along with everyone and have everyone like me. (Whether they want to or not) If you are having an issue I want to analyze it and help you fix what is broken. This annoys people. That is the analytical "me".

What are your "you's"? I have many more I could share but I want to tell you this. Not everyone is going to like all your "you's" They might be jealous of who you are in one capacity or another, they may be sizing themselves up to one "you". The Lord put all your different "you's" together. Some might be traits to share with the world and some might be something you keep to yourself. You don't have to live the one good, pleasing to the eye "you" all the time. Because, frankly, you will be missing out on a lot of life. Don't put yourself in a box.

If I was still a dancer and never allowed myself to wander away from the dancer "me" I would not be where I am today. I would not have gotten married at 20, I would have waited to have children till well into my 30's, I am sure I would not have ever felt the calling to foster, or adopt. I would not be able to encourage people with the stories I have because they would be different stories.

Be the "you's" you were created to be. All of them! Don't sell yourself short.

Be a blessing today.

Take one for the Team

My pastor gave an amazing message yesterday on David & Goliath. It wasn't your usual "have faith and the giant will die!" story. It was more about knowing that "giants" will come in life and you need to face them. The Lord did not promise us perfection in our lives and I tell you what, that has been such a hard concept for me to grasp with the injury of my daughter.

Like I said before I had been through A LOT in my life. Illness of my own, abuse, torn relationships with those you feel should be trusted the most, miscarriages, the list goes on. Most people who know me would say I am strong, that I can handle ANYTHING.

I have seen a lot of despair the last few months. On the news and within my own world. And there is no one way to handle something hard, there is no one way to battle a giant.

But here are some questions I have for you.

Do you have peoples attention?
Are you a parent?
Are you a Christian?
Do you stand for something...anything?

There are so many people in the world wanting to live a victim role. It's like that is their life's work! It's horrible and I am sure you all know someone like that. Let me ask you...is that the person you want in your life when a crisis comes? No.

Is that the person you call for advice? No.

Is that the person you point out to your children for them as an example? No.

Is that the person you point out to a non-Christian that you are trying to tell about the love of Christ and how HE is your redeemer? No.

So what good is it to you or to anyone else to be the victim? Maybe it gets you attention for a while. But that will pass.

I was deeply depressed as a teenager and I was anorexic. I will never forget my sister bringing up to me that someday my children would see pictures of me unhealthy and they would question those pictures. It struck me that more than anything I wanted to be a mom, and more than anything I wanted to be a strong, encouraging mom to my future children. That was one reason I fought to become healthy. The future and what other people would think of me.

It's easy for us to say we don't care what others think. But if that is the case then what good are we. If we live in our own little world, helping no one and thinking only of ourselves then we have missed such an amazing opportunity. It's life folks. I don't care what you believe, but if you are only thinking of yourself you've missed the boat.

Sometimes when the giants come we focus on ourselves so much that we forget people are watching. People are looking for answers. People want to know that you have been in the pit and have come out victorious!

There were days when I was in the pit and all I wanted to do was cry...but I had a little one watching me and looking for hope. Someday my children will know all about my past and I want them to know that I did not allow that ugliness to embitter me. I did not let the abuse weaken me. I did not let betrayals kill me and I did not let the giant win.

I pray that if you are struggling with something great. You will see the eyes watching you and you will in essence take one for the team, because I promise the more you lift you chin in the presence of a giant, the more confidence you show, the smaller that giant will become and you will be a light shining to everyone else facing a battle of some sort. You, yes you, may be the hope someone is seeking.

Be a blessing today.

Children

Today on FB I watched a beautiful slide show of a couple who recently adopted a darling toddler girl from Ethiopia. I was bawling like a little baby watching this slide show thinking how amazing the Lord planned this couple and their son to welcome a baby girl this way.

Since becoming an adult I have seen so many more families choose adoption and it does my heart good!

Here's why.

Children are children are children are children. They are created beings with souls and futures, with pain and hearts. Just like you and me. They thrive on love, touch, security, discipline and security. Just like you and me.

Children are not any less valuable because they were born to a teenager, drug addict, alcoholic, prostitute, homeless person or you or me. We all have value.

Sure we try to be politically correct and say some life is not worth having, but in the middle of my core I KNOW that is not the TRUTH. I have felt not valued by my mother and she said some pretty hurtful, specific things to me explaining this, but I HAVE value and so do all these other children. So do you.

My husband and I were married just a few months when I was in a lot of pain, went to the ER and were told we were expecting. I will never forget the look on my sweet husbands face! He was in shock and had the sweetest smile on his face. A few minutes later I was being rushed into surgery because the pregnancy was ectopic and I was bleeding internally. I woke, no longer pregnant.

A couple years passed and Thomas David was born.

18 months later I was pregnant again and so excited to be expecting at the same time as my sister and my sister in law. I had an ultrasound at 8 weeks and saw the little beating heart and put the picture up on the fridge.

At 12 weeks I went in to an appointment expecting to hear the heartbeat and nothing...went in for an ultrasound and nothing...no heartbeat.

I was crushed.

Devastated.

Heartbroken.

I remember going home that night a little in denial. Praying for a miracle. Praying they just missed the heartbeat. I sang my baby boy to sleep in my arms and thanked God for him.

A week later I went in for surgery and woke up no longer pregnant.

It seemed pregnant bellies were everywhere.

Months later I had to go in for three major surgeries to take out my colon and was told the chances of me having another baby were extremely slim. I was OK with that knowing that my husband and I would adopt.

One and a half years passed and sweet Addison was born.

Two years later we received a call through our foster agency that they were looking for a family to FOSTER a four week old who was born addicted to drugs and had been at PICC the last four weeks. www.picc.net My heart raced with excitement! The kids and I picked her up the next day. When she was three months we were asked if we would consider adopting her. OF COURSE!

When Brooklyn was 3 days shy of 10 months we received an email about a baby boy born...Brooklyn's baby brother. We were asked if we would take him too! OF COURSE!

I lost two babies, I prayed for healing. The Lord gave me two babies, within two years! This is unheard of in the foster world. The Lord had a plan.

I don't think we are done adding to our family. After seeing that video today I am ready to hop on a plane and go adopt a baby from another country!

Our story is still unfolding. Our family is still being developed but what shocks me, what gives me goosebumps is it planned. Whether or not you adopt or feel called to adopt is not the point of this post. The point is being willing to listen to that still, small voice and take the plunge.

Children are a blessing. Even when they are driving you crazy! And trust me, mine do drive me nuts! Children are our future.
Children are worth it.

And just when you think you are done and you have had enough there is a surprise waiting for you right around the corner...maybe even two.

Be a blessing today.