How to Heal

A year and a half ago we had a horrible accident at our home where our daughters were burned on their faces and arms. Brooklyn (3) was released from the hospital the following day, but Addison (5) was there 6 long weeks. During our stay at the hospital so many traumatic things happened, including Addison's lung function plummeting and our son Ben taken from us due to the fact he was not yet adopted.

At one point I had lost two of my four children.

One I was not sure would survive and the other I was not sure I would ever see again. I didn't know if he would be wrapped up into the foster system, or adopted by someone else.

I saw my husband cry, and I saw dark pain in his eyes.

I saw people who love us show us their true sincere empathy.

I saw people who love us flee.

I heard people tell us WHY this happened.

I read emails of strangers around the world tell us how they prayed for our family.

RESTORATION is what I prayed for...what I cried out for.





RESTORATION came.





Then grief came.

The grief that my daughter would never look the same, although she is beautiful. Grief of a memory singing to my baby boy, rocking him in his nursery thinking I may never hold this child in my arms again. Grief of the unforgiveness my husband feels for himself. Grief of certain family members NEVER showing up to the hospital. Grief of family members saying all the wrong things. And so MANY horrible memories, that it seemed I could not control.

During this time of grief Addie was healing beautifully every day, Ben was home and we planned his adoption and celebration, I was working and LIFE seemed almost normal. But it wasn't. It was horrible, and dark and my heart hurt all the time. It seemed I could not control my thoughts or emotions. I was sad and heartbroken even though my prayers were answered and the Lord RESTORED my family.

I have been depressed before and I have seen enough of it in my family to know to FLEE.

I sought counseling, and I came to realize that I am in control of my thoughts.

You see we are designed to feel.

We are not designed to ACT like everything is perfect at all times and just hope that it turns out that way.

We are not designed to wallow in self pity, constantly thinking of only ourselves and our feelings.

We are not designed to over react to everything that does not go our way.

So here are some tools on how to heal.

Seek help.

Pray.

Surround yourself with good, real people who truly care about you and not their motives. These people will NOT have all the answers and they will be honest and good enough to tell you so. They will make you laugh and let you cry. When needed they will drop off a meal or a mocha ;)

Do not let your negative thoughts and memories take over your mind! If you start to think of something ugly, painful, or not worthy of your time FLEE! On another note be real. Living in la-la land is no help to anyone and it won't allow healing. It will make you look fake, not perfect.

Cry.

Talk.

Be honest.

Be willing to move on.

LET IT GO. This is by far the hardest but I will tell you it will make life so much easier, sweeter, precious and worth living. If you are a parent you have little eyes watching you...yes you. If you are a Christian you have thousands of eyes watching you...yes you and what kind of Christians are we if we hate life, if we show pain in all circumstances? If we are joyless beings wandering the Earth yet proclaiming the love of the Lord what kind of message are we sending?

If you have lived through a trauma take heart and heal. It's a choice, not an easy choice but a choice. Know that there is JOY in the world. Find your JOY and move forward.

This is how I learned to heal.

Be a blessing today.

It's the Little Things

Right now, right this very moment I am exhausted! My husband and I are foster parents as well as having four of our own children. Currently we are caring for 6 children including our own. Ages 8, 5, 3, 2, 1, 2 months.
I am sitting in one of my favorite rooms of our home. My girls' room. It's beautiful. Soft blue with light pink bedding everything is soothing and I have my own old, white rocking chair in this room. I have to sit here every day during the first 20 minutes or so of nap time so that my dear Brooklyn (3) will fall asleep. If she for one second thinks I am not watching her or have tabs on her she will take full advantage. At nap time that would mean, getting out of bed a thousand and one times, coloring on the walls or something along those lines.

I could be upset that I have to sit here with these two girls waisting my precious 1 hour of quiet but this is my time as well. I generally catch up on FB, read my daily devotion (currently Jesus Calling) or close my eyes.

Our days are so short. A good friend told me that her mother always says, "The days are long but the years are short."

In what seems like just a few hours we will start our day all over again with a lot of the same stuff we filled today with. But you know what? I would not have it any other way.

I have to, on a daily basis look for the little things that make my day sweet. The little things that I can find some sort of simplicity in, the little things that make my heart a little lighter. It's the little things.

Sitting in my white rocker is one of them. Singing to all my children as I put them to bed at night is another. Cuddling (whether he like to or not) next to Dave at the end of our long day while we watch TV is another. The short time I have each day in my Bible is so precious to me yet sometimes the thing I sacrifice first. That will have to be another topic on another day.

Yes, it is the little things that make the world go round. What are your little things? Search for them and be content. Smile and let your light shine.

Why blog?

12.26.12

I have been sitting here thinking and thinking, and frankly praying about what my New Year's Resolution(s) would be this year. It came down to taking art classes, getting back into one ballet class a week and writing a blog. I have been told I am a "writer" whatever that means. I have always had opinions and advice to give. There are times my heart aches with the things I should have said, or the advice I could have given. This will be my outlet for these emotions, the years of life lessons, the wrinkles that have aged my face in my hardest times and the smile lines that make my face seem lighter in the sweetest times. I had the opportunity to blog while my daughter was fighting for her life in a Seattle hospital for 48 days and I realized then that I have a knack for putting my feelings on a page...on a screen.

I tend to believe the people with the best advice are the ones who have lived through the most. I often ask the Lord why He chose me to endure the trials I have but I also see the wisdom that I have gained. Truthfully I thought once I was married and living as an adult that the trials would end. Ha! I thought for sure I had lived through my share of tribulations. That was naive and silly. But that realization was not the end, it was not where I threw in the towel and said, "I'm done Lord. That was too much! How dare you?" No, when the trials come and your faith is tested, that is when the healing begins. That is where the wisdom plants its seed in your heart and in your mind. That is where you stand a little taller and say, I overcame...and not on my own but with the help and the strength of the Lord.

So...really...this blog will be whatever is in my heart on any given day. I am not super crafty, I am not passionate about DYI, I am woman who has a lot to say and wants to encourage you. If I can do it, so can you...that sort of thing. Bits and pieces of who I once was and who I am today will come out in my posts.

Note: I started to write a description of my "life" and frankly it's just too long. My stories will come out when it is time. Some may never, some I am still healing from and don't know if I will ever be able to publicly share them. Thank you to those brave souls who are willing to share and encourage through their darkest times.

This blog will be my outlet of what I NEED to share. What I feel called to write. My joys and my sorrows...my PURITY in PANDEMONIUM.