FAITH.
Yup, I'm going there.
Faith is a touchy word. It can feel ugly to some, inspirational to others and down right riliculous to many.
I am a Christian. If you know me, you know that. It is not a secret. I have many many friends who are not Christian. I have many friends who aren't sure and of course I have many friends who are Christians as well.
This post is not about religion...so if you are freaking out right now bear with me. I want to tell you what FAITH did for me, what it will always do for me and how I doubted.
My life, as many lives are, is a roller coaster of ups and downs, lefts and rights and the kind of ride that leaves you feeling queesy and unsure at times.
My favorite verse of the Bible has always been, "I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord. Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11
I KNOW this verse. Anytime I have felt that uneasiness settle in I say that verse aloud or in my head and I feel calm.
That's the Holy Spirit.
When we were in the hopsital with sweet Addie one of my dad's long time friends came and shared that verse with me. Only I didn't feel the peace. I didn't feel the promise. I felt a little betrayed. I felt I had already lived through so much...I have matured from those experiences and tried to teach others through my own trials how to draw nearer to the Lord. This time I was at a loss when I heard that verse.
I told her this had always been my favorite verse...only this time, while those words swirled around in my head I felt alone. I did not feel God was near. I knew he was, but I did not feel he was.
*Here is a secret for you. I started this blog post months and months ago. I didn't know what to do with it, so I saved it as a draft but that word kept popping up. FAITH
What do we do when we don't know how to express our faith? What do we do when we don't FEEL the Lord near? How do we know HE is there?
The Bible.
If you are a Christian you believe in the Bible. You can't have one or the other. The Bible gives us many, many, many, examples of faith. People who had faith when maybe they didn't really know what else to do.
I say stick to the basics.
Our emotions can mess with us, they can overwhelm us, they can surprise us, scare us, calm us, rile us. They stir us.
They should not control us.
There were times when I was in the lowest of lows. One day Addie was still very unstable in the hospital and I had to drive home to pack up our then (almost adopted) 18 month old.
{This was a temporary move the state felt needed to happen, I am happy to announce he is now our son and has been almost two years!}
I was in his room packing his things, praying and pleading to the Lord to please have them change their minds, please don't let them take my baby, please don't make me pack his things. How will I survive this? What am I to learn through this? Why ME???!!! Why US???!!! I was literally screaming these things in my head. GOD WHERE ARE YOU???!!!
I started sobbing taking his clothes out of his closet and my mother in law came and hugged me and cried with me and that was what I needed. I needed a mothers hug, He provided that for me.
Throughout the whole ordeal of not knowing if Addie would breath again on her own or if little Ben would come home my thoughts, my doubts and my fears flooded me.
I would write in a prayer journal, or I would blog about Addison. I for the most part kept my doubts and fears to myself because they were between me and God, not me and the world, not me and my family, not me and my husband, not me and my church, not me and the doctors. They were between HIM and me.
I chose to practice my faith rather than feel my faith. I prayed for one word over and over again...
Restoration.
Friends, there will be times you doubt everything you have ever believed...do not run.
There will be times you think there is no one there...there is.
There will be times you feel God has abandoned you...He has not.
There will be times you will be angry with the Lord...it is okay. As a mentor of mine told me, "He can handle it."
There will be times you feel hopeless...find the hope in every situation.
Sometimes faith is being quiet, keeping your intimate thoughts between you and the Lord and then practicing your faith. Don't base your life on feelings in the moment. Embrace those feelings those emotions, but don't base your life on them.
Live out your faith, practice what you preach.
Practice what you know, practice what the Bible tell you to.
He will be there.
He will listen.
He will hold you in the palm of his hand.
He will provide restoration.
Be a blessing.
