There is nothing more special than a hand written love letter. My husband and I were high school sweethearts. We have a box full of letters to each other during our courting days. Someday when we have a few hours to spare we will have to pull that box out and read those letters. They were mostly sweet, innocent dreams that have now been fulfilled.
When I was a few weeks pregnant with my oldest son I decided I would write handwritten love letters to my children. Of course with your first child I wrote them almost every month of my pregnancy and then at least every six months thereafter. Now we have four children and one foster baby and I barely have the time to get one done every year. I try to write each child a letter every year on or around their birthday.
I don't know when I will give my children these letters. Maybe their graduation, maybe their wedding day, maybe when they are low and need to know that I have loved them before they were ever placed in my arms. It will happen when it is time.
I was reading through baby books today and found a few random letters I had wrote to my now 5 year old daughter Addison. I cried as I read them.
Addison was born 2 months early and I was very very sick before and after she was born. I am not talking morning sickness I am talking like a bowel obstruction and then basically my body shutting down after she was born and giving in to infection. I was in the hospital for 20 days after she was born.
This was such a hard time for me as a mother. I think I felt guilt, I felt less of a mommy because I was so sick I could not care for my baby alone, I felt a little jaded by the fact that I had planned to bring home this perfectly healthy baby 1 week before her due date. I planned to have a c-section just like I did with her brother, come home 3 days later on my happy pills and gaze at my beautiful babies while sitting next to my best friend.
But, alas there were other plans. Here is a letter I wrote to Addison years ago, years before she was burned, years before we knew we would endure anything so horrible.
September 25, 2008
Dear Addison,
You are now 15 months. We are still living with Grandpa and Grandma Strode and have been since you were 6 months old. We have a house (our first ever) being built in Graham. I am hoping that it will be done before Christmas.
You are a sweet baby who looks just like I did as a baby. I mean really! Grandma Cathie found some of my baby pictures and people thought they were of you when they saw them.
I was just sitting here looking at some of the pictures of you in the hospital. I still get overwhelmed with different emotions from that time in our lives. I was so sick, you were so small and I had such enormous guilt of you having to be delivered so early. I remember after them taking you to the NICU with daddy I got really sick and needed to be put to sleep for the rest of my surgery.
I woke up when they were done with me and I wanted to see you so badly. But I was too sick. I kept asking how you were and if I could see daddy but they said "no" I needed to be monitored. Finally, a few hours later I got to see daddy, Grandpa Ben, Grandma Sally and Grandpa Ray. They told me how great you were doing and how pretty you were. I saw a couple of pictures of you and then I fell asleep for hours and hours.
I think what was so sad is as an adult you have these dreams. Dreams of getting married, having babies, buying a home...living happily ever after.
Sometimes God gives you challenges for whatever reason. So your birth and that short time you have bonding with your newborn, that was taken from me. God saw fit to give me another memory. We did great through it but seeing pictures of it still gives my heart a little ache.
You are a true blessing Addie! You too will come across hardships but they don't have to be heartbreaking! Learn, ALWAYS learn from situations the Lord allows you to endure. Perseverence is a strengthening characteristic. A characteristic I pray you and your brother have. I love you gorgeous!
Love,
Mommy.
That was a mommy encouraging her sweet baby, before she would ever have to endure anything life changing again. Now she has. Addison has fought for her life and still stands with her head held high. She has that pereserverence I prayed for.
I challenge you to start writing love letters again. Maybe not sappy love letters but letters that build up, build a history. Remember the sweet and special times and then maybe someday when tragedy strikes you will have your heart on paper. You will read that letter, your emotions, your heart and you will say I prayed for you and I to get through the trials of life. And we will.
Be a blessing today.
