Find Yours

I have had thought upon thought about what I should write about in this coming year. My resolutions are not fanciful, I would love to get rid of a huge chunk of our medical debt and I would love to cherish more moments with my children. Nothing blog worthy if you ask me, everyone knows who to turn to if they need financial help and I cannot tell you how many blog posts I have read off of Facebook on essentially how to be a better mother.

So I'm good.

I 'm sure you are too.

Then I looked at what the title of my blog is.

Purity

in

Pandemonium

well...

hmmm...

My life is chaos. Not crazy...just chaotic. There is not a day that passes that I don't question why the Lord chose me to do what I do.

I mean, I am a perfectionist. When it comes to my home, my time, my weight, my body, my perception of how I am viewed, my relationships, my children, my husband, my everything.

However, somehow, some way. I became me.

A mother of six.

A ballet teacher who no longer cares quite as much as how I look in the mirror but rather how my students look on the inside.

A friend who has let my true friends see the ugly, hear the truth, know my secrets and see my house a disaster.

A person who occasionally runs late and only with a quick apology.

A woman who is still, every once and while is criticized on my weight or waist line and can simply laugh it off. Maybe with a shed tear or two, in private, but definitely over it the next day.

A mom of children with issues. Real issues.

Yes me, the once anorexic, bulimic, anxiety ridden, self conscience, ballerina, who always felt off, unloved, too mature, striving for unmanageable perfectionism...me.

The more I have let go of finding myself striving for perfection the more I find comfort, the more I find peace, forgiveness, pride and I find the Lord.

The more I see the beauty of the pandemonium the more I see HIS blessings. Yes, my life is crazy but it is also packed with blessings. I mean PACKED!

My life, our life, is not just pretty pictures, recipes from scratch, perfect parenting, chores done on time, hand created preschool snacks or well behaved children.

My life...is LIFE. That is children saying and doing things they have been taught not to, that is my hubby and I arguing over sometimes...anything That is wiping boogies, or bottoms, laundry, reading your Bible while making breakfast for six, surviving though the horror of life's most awful moments or loving life's most mundane moments.

The purity is knowing that this life, is yours. Don't worry about anyone else. Find the joy, find the fullness, find the purity in your chaos, in your pandemonium.

Regardless of your feelings on God, life is a gift...is it not?

Find the sweetness of your life and embrace it. Find your purity in pandemonium.

Be a blessing.