That Family...

The last few weeks have been crazy...and guess what? The next few weeks will be even crazier!

I have a daughter who is six. She is loud, she is opinionated, she is strong willed, she is a mover, she fights sleep, she talks back, she questions everything and she says "mom" at least 5,000 times a day.

She may have ADHD, she may be on the spectrum, she may have Sensory Processing Disorder...we are trying to figure her out.

She is brilliant, she shines, her smile will no doubt make you smile...she lights up any room.

Yesterday was a day where I had just a few things to accomplish and so I loaded the 7 kids into the car and we set off.

The kids were all whiny, complaining and oh so loud. I used my nice "teachery" voice saying "voices off please", then I gave threats of time-outs or no t.v. time, then I gave the "I will pull this van over!" and I do...I drive a 12 passenger van and I do pull it over at least once a week to talk to one of my kids face to face about their behavior.

Nothing worked...

We were parked in a parking lot waiting for the my order of the best sushi ever and had  my dear 6 year old just would not stop. So...I had to go to the back to the van to talk to my six year old...face to face. I felt like my blood pressure was through the roof and I grew horns atop my head. She probably saw me that way too.

I was at the end of my rope.

I talked to her and left the kids in the car with their big brother to go in and grab the sushi, by the time I walked out I was crying...tears streaming under my sunglasses...thinking I am the worst of the worst.

Here I have been entrusted with 7 kids...7 kids!!!

And I am crying about how I let them ,or one, get the best of me.

You see this is the life I wanted. I never envisioned a picture perfect family for myself. (although I do see my family as picture perfect) I don't know why...I have always had a heart for kids, always had a heart for special needs and can control a classroom of 20+ ballerinas...

I worry about what people think far too much. I lose sight of the BIG picture.

I truly feel like my kids should all behave like little saints all the time. They don't...I just feel they should!

Then I get disappointed thinking I am doing something wrong. I am mothering wrong, I am not being a good example, I am not disciplining correctly...the list goes on and on and on.

I forget the big picture. God gave me this family...they are awesome.

My kids have issues. Some more than others. Some are laid back, some are resilient, some a sensitive, some know their manners, some are still learning their manners, some are quiet and reserved, some are loud and don't care who knows it, some are receiving awards like "most self-control", some will get "most spirited", some show me every emotion and some I just don't know what is sinking in.

But here is the ticket. When I stop, when I look at the BIG picture, when I take a breath and think back to what it was I prayed for in my family, I see everything I have ever wanted.

There are days where we walk into the park, church, or the grocery store and I am sure people think there is "that family" good or bad...we are quite a sight!

I am so proud of my family. I know we can handle anything. And I know we have lots of LOVE.

So here is to hoping I can take a breath the next time I am at the breaking point and look back in my monster of a van and see those little faces and breath...and thank God for the crazy, beautiful family I have, because it is...

my dream come true.